'Mobile phones and Social conditioning'

Stress levels throughout the world are driven up a notch through the instrusive 'ringing' of mobile telephones during theatre and cinema shows, concerts, congresses, seminars, meetings...the list goes on. Although users are continually asked to switch off their mobile phones there are always some who need additional 'stimulation' to ensure that they adhere to these norms of social behavor.

The latest development in chip technology and electronic pulse generation, coupled to research into animal behavioral conditioning have lead to an exciting new breakthrough. Dr Frank N. Stein behavioral psychologist and scientific advisor to the IT industry has pioneered a solution based upon the cattle prod used to condition dumb animals. 'Mobile phone users are no different' explained Dr Stein. The new chip located in the mobile telephone receives signals from a sender installed in the theatre. If the mobile attempts to ring during the show 40,000 volts are generated by the pulse generator.'It sure helps them remember to switch it off' explains Dr Stein a music lover. 'It takes a little while to get used to screaming and the smell of burnt flesh, although' he went on to say 'it did add to the enjoyment of the 1812 overture.' Animal welfare campaigners were protesting against the testing of the device on dumb animals' whilst government officials declare that management consultants used as guinea pigs didn't feel a thing.