|
|
Billy Connolly's
World Tour of Australia
| Following the format of his much acclaimed World
Tour of Scotland, Billy Connolly set off across the wilds and wonders
of Australia on his custom-built Harley Davidson trike, to show us a land
he has come to love in recent years. A series of programmes were made,
documenting his journeys and his shows during his Australian tour.
In this extract from the book Billy Connolloy's World Tour
of Australia (published by BBC Books £15.99), Billy tells
in his own words his thoughts and feelings as he wanders across Australia.
|
| Billy Connolly's World Tour of Australia |
|
I first came to Australia nearly 20 years ago, and I've lost count
how many times I've been back. When I started touring here, most people
I met seemed defensive about being Australian, but now they're aware that
this is a great country, one they can call "home" with pride.
I hope that doesn't sound patronising because this is a brilliant place with so much to offer. There are many Australian virtues but, for me, their greatest quality is optimism. The country has a youthful vitality that makes it an exciting place. |
| Syndney
You can't claim to be in Sydney until you have the Harbour Bridge and the Opera House in your sights. I've been here many times, but that first view of the harbour, bridge and Opera House still leaves me speechless. I went to visit my friend Ken Done, perhaps the best-known contemporary Australian artist. Many of his paintings are inspired by the view from the studio at his harbourside cottage on Chinaman's Beach. As he grew up, Ken loved to paint pictures and show them to his parents and friends. As far as he's concerned, that's exactly what he still does, but the paintings have become more complex, and his friends and family are now a worldwide audience of many, many thousands. He and I are both observers of the people around us. The similarities end there. I have to admit to an envy of artists whose work has a pernanence. My work lasts only for as long as I'm on stage. It all has to be re-created the next day and I need an audience. I want to make people laugh. Ken operates on the simplest level - he desires only that a person viewing his art should think "Oh yes, that's beautiful." |
| My wife is Australian and was consumed with envy when I told her I
was going to the top of Sydney Harbour Bridge - or "the old coathanger",
as it's known locally. There is no better view of the city than from the
top of the bridge. It's hard work, but the view is beyond belief.
Later, I sailed across Sydney Harbour to Goat Island, which was a penal colony, Glaswegian sailor Charlie Anderson was a former inmate. |
|
| He made repeated attempts to escape by trying to leap on to passing
ships. Eventually the prison authorities sentenced him to be chained to
a rock for two years, but it didn't stop him indulging in his favourite
pastime - shouting and swearing at passing whips. I'd never heard of this
pioneering, foul-mouthed Scotsman before, but now he's my hero. I too,
have upset a few sensitive souls with my language.
Melbourne
|
|
The city has been much maligned over the years. Ava Gardner, here to
film On The Beach, commented that it was the ideal setting for a
film about the end of the world. However, Melbourne's three million residents
can't all be wrong.
It's not difficult to discover great art here. The Victorian Arts Centre is in the centre centre of the city. The sculptures are so accessible - great favourite of mine is The Lost Purse. I love it because it's a happy sculpture, although a lost purse is a sad thing, isn't it? |
| Mornington Peninsula, just a short drive from Melbourne, became headline
news in 1967. Australia's Prime Minister Harold Holt was reputed to be
what the Australians call a "larrikin" - a bit of a lad. He'd come here
for a picnic, a swim, and a few beers with friends. He decided to go back
for another swim alone. He walked down to the dea, dived in and was never
seen again. Australians have been talking about his disappearance ever
since. Was he eaten by a shark? Or was there some other reason that we
dare not consider? Even now they have an expression, "Doing a Harold",
which means to make a hasty exit. When I heard the story, I thought, "Now
that's a country that knows how to treat its politicians properly."
Adelaide
The important thing is to make sure the pie is covered in thick, green pea soup - really smother it. Add barbeque sauce and vinegar, if you like, and enjoy. It's real satisfying food, brilliant. The singer Joe Cocker always has shepherd's pie delivered to his dressing-room at gigs, except here in Adelaide. Then he has a pie floater sent in from the kiosk where I ate. Perth
It was astonishing, and one of the most exhilerating experiences of my life. There were dolphins within inches of my face. I'm sure that they could tell I was a hippie. Brisbane |
| Queensland has become very popular with tourists because of the incredible climate and magnificent natural features, including the Great Barrier Reef and Fraser Island - the biggest sand island in the world, over 120km long. Queenslanders are a very conservative bunch, and southern Australians joke that when you visit Queensland "you should turn your watch back an hour and your mind back 20 years". They even have a law that forbids bartenders from serving sexual perverts. |
|
| Brisbane, the state capital, bills itself as the "world's biggest country
town" - it's a city of contradictions. Pavement cafes teem with fat blokes
who don't give a XXXX, while Gold Coast surfers ride high on the crest
of a wave.
It's a hospitable city with a relaxed atmosphere - most of the time. But I found myself in a lot of trouble here on my first visit to Oz. I was on stage at the Guildhall and a guy - a Scottisg Australian prison officer, a deadly cocktail - leapt up on stage and smacked me on the mouth, saying, "My wife's ears are not garbage cans" I fell on my arse, the place was in uproar, the police were called and the whole episode was a complete nightmare. To be honest, I've exaggerated about it so much over the years, that I don't know what the truth is - which happens to me quite a lot. My real life and my act intermingle so much that I find myself believing the myth, and the truth gets conveniently lost. Despite that episode, I do like it here. It's hot and sweaty and sexy. The city itself is based around the meandering Brisbane river. The bridge over the river had barely been built before people were throwing themselves off it. My theiry is that you should do a recce first - try a bungee jump, see how you like it. Alice Springs
Ever since I read the Nevil Shute novel A Town Like Alice, I have been intrigued by Alice Springs. I've been to most of the major towns and cities many times over during my career - but this was my first visit to "the Alice". Despite the name, there are no springs, just a billabong - a waterhole in the dried-up bed of the Todd river. Even with a population of only 25,000 people, it's the largest settlement in the interior. It wasn't until the 1980s that the tourists arrived, and Alice Springs discovered prosperity. Alice Springs is the geographical centre of Australia and the townsfolk make a good living from pretending to be near Ayres Rock - in fact, the two places are as close together as London and Glasgow. |
|
The town's social season features such highlights as the Alice Springs
agricultural show, its rodeo and the camel cup - a series of camel races.
But the biggest draw is the Henley-on-Todd regatta. The race follows the
Todd river, but the boats are bottomless so that the crew's legs stick
out and they can run along the dry river bed. The regatta has been cancelled
twice because there was water in the river!
Extract from the BBC book :
|
