A Night on the Bus
(or Polish "Tales from the Big Bus")
by: Marek Cieslak
In October 1997 I had a chance to spend a night on a big bus. Later on Fish told me I could write all about it. So I did. That was published in Company Poland's fanzine. Here you got it. Hope, Fish, I remembered it all correctly. Please forgive any messing around.
I did not really intend to go to the Szczecin gig, but eventually I decided go there and attend as well as do some promo stuff for the Company Poland, which I am the President of. So I did.
I was to leave Poznan, the city where I live, halfway Warsaw, halfway Berlin, at 1 pm. The train was due to come to Szczecin at 4 pm. Needless to say, it was late. I left Poznan at 1.30 and arrived in Szczecin at 5 pm. Then I decided to walk the way to the venue, as I remembered it was not very far away, and moreover, I didn’t know what buses go there. So I walked the route and that took me half an hour. Finally I found the place. The gig was due at 7 pm, and you probably are gonna think it is quite early, but well it is not in Poland, as we work here from 6 to 2, the latest hours are 8 to 4 which makes the late gigs during the week impossible.
But back to the heart of the matter. I said hello to everybody. And then, knowing that the next gig is gonna be the Poznan one, I asked Yatta if they go to Poznan directly after the gig or if they stay in Szczecin overnight. He said they were going to my homeland. So I asked him if there’s any chance of jumping on the bus, as I would have to wait on the railway station till the morning to catch a train to Poznan. And he agreed, saying I could use his bunk, as he leaves for Cracow for the day off. Good news I thought. Okay, okay, I was really happy to hear that. So I popped out for a beer, and then made another thing inevitable on the tour and before a party - ate a dinner. While eating I asked Fish if we could do an interview for the Company Poland and if we could do it in Poznan. He okayed and I told him we could talk it over on the bus as I replace Yatta tonight, blah, blah, blah. He went: „You are on the bus tonite...” and smiled showing his teeth. I knew that something was gonna happen.
And it did, but it had nothing to do with the bus. It had to do with the truck. Imagine there is a quarter to seven, and Fish comes onstage together with Polish promoters employee - an interpretor at the same time -Agnieszka and tells everyone that actually a key to the truck has been stolen and if it is not found in 15 minutes the gig is gonna be canceled. Oh man. Dont tell me it is a normal touring situation. Shortly, Jim the Driver was saying that he actually put the key into the keyhole and jumped on the track just to put something on the shelf and he noticed two girls and a boy walking along. When he jumped off he saw no key. He searched the truck twice to fing it but he didn’t. Then Fish went onstage and you know already what happened. And then, after 15 minutes Jim came over and announced he found the key and wanted to apologise although it was well hidden and he was sure it was stolen as he never ever lost any key. And in Poznan Fish told him: „Yeah, three guys, probably 4 feet tall and green dressed.”
Anyway, that was the truck story and Jim was to hear all that jokes about key keeping for a few more days. Poor Jim. That is sometimes a curse of doing something. Whatever it means. Okay, so finally the gig started and the set list was same as always. Aha, after while playing, Fish asked the barman for 5 vodka oranges and the band to play something from their youth. Then he jumped offstage and headed out to the bar to grab the vodkas. Unfortunately the bartender didn’t understand the order, so he came back with nothing. Thus Duncan the Wine Waiter of the YinYang tour had to change himself into Vodka Waiter of the Sunsets on Empire Tour. Okay, the gig has finished, the boyz went backstage to chill down and I started drinking and talking to the Company members.
After half an hour I went backstage, too, and talked a bit to everybody, and then they went to the bar located in the venue. Believe it or not but still many people were waiting for Fish to grab an autograph. Then everybody sat down waiting until everything was packed and the departure was possible. And we left about 1 am. The journey was 150 miles and we put our faith in Les the Bus Driver that it is gonna be safe and all. Okay, we jumped on and started to eat sandwiches. Sitting downstairs in the bus. Oh yes, I just thought not everybody knows the bus and I should write a little bit about it. It is a double decker, however, the lower level is not very big. Just a driver’s seat, and a seat next to him. That is in the front. At the back you have a couch for 5 - 6 people, a table, two fridges, a sink, a video, a TV set. If you take the stairs located at the driver’s seat and go upstairs, you’ll find two seats at the front of the upper level. There, all along the corridor, live the badgers. That is, there are 18 bunks there so there is no problem with sleeping unless you are in Poland or any other Central European country where the terrible roads make you feel like in a tumble drier. If you walk the corridor to the back you’ll find the stairs. If you walk them, you’ll find a toilet and then you’ll get downstairs to the couch I already told you about. If you pass the stairs, you’ll find another couch, a little bit bigger one, for 7 - 8 people. And yes, you’ve guessed it, there’s a video with a TV set, a CD player and Nintendo ”Super Mega Drive” (check „Sushi” for details). I must admit Mickey Simmonds is great while playing World League Soccer, he manages German team and he smashes everybody! So that was it about the bus as a vehicle.
Okay, so we were eating these sandwiches and started to drink beer and vodka. There were a few people there. Anyway, we were driving for half an hour already, when the vodka we took from the bar has finished, and Fish asked Duncan to bring some more from upstairs. He left and disappeared for 15 minutes. When he came back, he vowed: ”There’s no vodka. Panic! There’s only a big bottle left, Fish.” That was a big bottle which Fish got as a gift. I write was, but maybe it hasn’t been consumed yet, I don’t know, but we did not consume it on that night, Fish decided not to open it and the next day he was still really happy about his decision and he told me he really succeded. Anyway, a few minutes after we came to a conclusion that there’s really cold downstairs, and there’s nothing to drink so we should go upstairs.
And we went. Some latenite guys were sitting there i.e. Andy, Robin, Dave, Steve. So together with us, I mean Fish, Agnieszka, Duncan and myself it added up to 9 people waiting for the party to happen. Unfortunately, as Fish was unwilling to open the big bottle, we had to start with a quarter of a litre big bottle of Zubrowka, the famous-on-tour Polish vodka. As you may suppose, I was emptied quite fast.
So we started watching BBC's "The Fast Show", and then on David Leary's show "No Cure For Cancer". It was really wonderful, we laughed a lot, and the saying "Thank you, thank you, thank you and fuck you" became the one that everybody had to know and use as often as possible.
People started to leave for the bunks. Andy and Dave were the first ones. We were quite mercyful and did not complain about it, simply 'cos it was quite crowdy and their leaving left more sitting space for us. And then it started. Steve Vantsis came over with a CD, which was one of Alice Cooper's albums and he played it. Duncan wanted to see the cover, so he asked Steve to show it to him. Yes, you've guessed it, Steve wasn't really interested in showing that to anybody, he clutched it to his chest, and he signaled that our interest - well, that he doesn't care (four letter word would be more accurate). Even Fish could not persuade him to give up and that made us, I hope you understand, very dissapointed. So what happened next?
They guys started to fight. Regular war, I admit it, I admit it. I was staring at it and man it looked funny. Two meters tall Scotsman, a bit smaller bass player (a bit drunk as well, but only a little bit) and wee Duncan were fighting on a couch, trying very hard not to hit the table, not to break any glasses and so to speak, stay unharmed. They weren't really beating hard, but I am pretty convinced it was all serious. Scream of war (is that a correct saying?) had no end, and Steve was still unwilling to show the cover. Those of you, who attended the Poznan gig know, that Fish made Steve say "sorry Duncan" onstage. That is why.
The fight took about a quarter of an hour, and then it all calmed down. Duncan went to bed, Fish and Steve had a "chat" (I dont know if I'm allowed to write what was it about, so I won't). The party was dying. There were only Fish, Agnieszka and myself. We were listening to some CDs, and then Les came over and said that we would stop for a few hours, as Jim is unable to drive anymore - he gotta get some sleep. We were only 60 km to Poznan. I went to the bunk as well. It was 4 am.
I woke up at 6.30 am. Les wasn't sleeping anymore, so was Jim. We drank coffees and drove ahead.
I showed them how to enter the city, as it is almost impossible not to lose your way in Poznan if you don't have the street finder in your head. Most of the streets are one way ones.
Eventually we arrived to the hotel called quite simply "Poznan", I left the Big Bus and wet home to eat some breakfast and get some sleep. I was tired as hell. That was a hard night's day - in the evening I had another party. I wasn't worrying much, whole lotta of great memories in my head.
Marek Cieslak
