Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Fido." I called mine
"Sex." Sex has been embarrassing to me. When I went to the Post Office
to renew his license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license
for Sex; he said he would like one too. Then I said, "But this is a
dog." He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You
don't understand. I have had Sex since I was 9 years old." He said I
must have been quite a kid.
When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I
told the clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me, and a special
room for Sex. He said that every room in the place was for sex. I
said, "You don't understand, Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk
said, "Me too."
One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began,
the dog ran away and a contestant asked me why I was standing there
looking around. I told him I planned to have Sex in the contest. He
told me I should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't understand,"
I said, "I hoped to have Sex on TV." He called me a show-off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of
the dog, I said, "Your Honour, I had Sex before I was married." The
judge said, "Me too." Then I told him that after I was seperated, Sex
left me. He said, "Me too."
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for
him. A policeman came over to me and asked me, "What are you doing in
this alley at four in the morning?" I said, "I am looking for Sex."
My case comes up on Friday.
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