Q. What are the best ten years of an Irishman's life?
A. Third grade.
Q. How do you sink an Irish submarine?
A. Knock on the hatch.
Q. Did you hear about the Irishman who was tap dancing?
A. He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.
Q. How can you identify an Irish pirate?
A. He's the one with patches over both eyes.
The Irish attempt on Mount Everest was a valiant effort, but it
failed: They ran out of scaffolding.
Did you hear about the Irish water polo team? Four horses drowned
during the first chukka.
Then there was the Irishman who sued the local baker for forging the
Irishman's signature on a hot cross bun....
The first Irish National Steeplechase was finally abandoned. Not one
horse could get a descent footing on the cathedral roof.
"Paddy," asked the barmaid, "what are those two bulges in the front of
your trousers?"
"Ah," said Paddy. "They're hand grenades. Next time that queer
O'Flaherty comes feeling my balls, I'll blow his bloody fingers off!"
An Irishman goes for a job on a building site, so the foreman takes
him into his portacabin for an interview.
"Right Paddy, do you know the difference between a girder and a
joist?"
"Oh yiss sir! Goethe wrote 'Faust' and Joyce wrote 'Ulysses.'"
Two drunks, Paddy and Murphy, are sitting on a shop doorstep.
Paddy says, "You know Murphy, Oi'll never forget the first time Oi
turned to drink as a subsitiute for women."
"Why? What happened?" asks Murphy.
"Oi got my nob trapped in the bottle."
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