An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all to give speeches to
the Deaf Society. All are keen to make an impression on their
audience.
The Englishman goes first and to the surprise of his colleagues starts
by rubbing first his chest and then his groin. When he finishes the
Scotsman and Irishman ask him what he was doing.
"Well," he explained, "by rubbing my chest I indicated breasts by
rubbing my groin I indicated bollocks. So my speech started, 'Ladies
and Gentlemen.'"
"I'll go one better than that English bastard," the Scotsman thought
to himself on his way up to the podium, and started his speech by
making an antler symbol with his fingers above his head before rubbing
his chest and his groin.
When he finished his colleagues asked what he was doing. "Well," he
explained, "by imitating antlers and then rubbing my chest and groin I
was starting my speech by saying, 'Dear Ladies and Gentlemen.'"
On his way up to the podium the Irishman thought to himself, "I'll go
one further than those mainland bastards," and started his speech by
making an antler symbol above his head, rubbing his chest, then his
groin, and then dropping his trousers and masturbating furiously.
When he finished his colleagues asked him what in God's name he
thought he was doing. "Well," he explained, "by imitating antlers,
rubbing my chest and then my groin and then waking I was starting my
speech by saying, 'Dear Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great
pleasure...'"
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