TOP TIPS
Save money on expensive shaving foam by making a dish of blancmange
every night which you can plunge your face in instead of using foam
and using the remains as a nutritional breakfast!
If you want to fly your kite on a windless day simply attach a battery
operated fan to a hat, wear the hat backwards and while running this
will provide sufficient wind to enable the kite to fly.
To obtain the cosy feeling of a winters day during summer, paint the
top of your house windows dark grey, pour water on the outside and sit
with your feet in an ice bucket.
To save shoe leather and expensive repairs simply hop everywhere. This
has been proven to reduce sole wear by up to 30%!
Not satisfied with 'perforated' teabags? Simply enlarge one of the
holes to approximately 2cm enabling the water to fully circulate the
tea inside.
To enhance your success as a double glazing salesman wear double
glazed spectacles thereby enabling prospective clients to see how good
your product is before purchasing!
Sick and tired of preparing meals, cooking and washing up? Simply eat
out at a selection of outlets in your surrounding area!
Want something different to brick-paved driveway? Collecting the
rubber from shredded lorry tyres from the motorways and laying them on
your drive provides a decorative finish, is weather proof and silent!
Save on wasted effort using crap nutcrackers by having a pet squirrel
who will eagerly nibble the nuts open for you at which point you can
take them off him and eat the contents.
Can never find room on the coat hooks? Starch your coats heavily and
after taking them off simply stand them up in the corner.
To stop the back of your boxer shorts wearing before the front, wear
them the wrong way round so the hole is already at the back and the
front is perfect - they will last much longer this way.
Trouble lighting the barbecue? Use a combination of red and orange
crepe paper so even if it fails to light the coloured crepe paper will
look as if its really blazing!
Not sure about 'hair-beading'? Use rabbit droppings instead of real
beads so they gradually dissolve and don't have to be painfully
removed.
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