Two farmers lived next to each other. One farmer had grown an apple
tree in his garden and each morning would look in his garden and pick
up one of his apples.
One day he looked into his garden and saw that an apple fell in the
other farmer's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the
farmer pick up the apple. The farmer ran up to the other farmer and
told him that the apple belonged to him because he owned the apple
tree. The other farmer disagreed because the apple had dropped on his
property.
They argued for a while until finally the farmer said, "In my family
we normally solve disputes like this: I kick you in the bollocks and
time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in the
bollocks and time how long it takes for me to get up. Whoever gets up
quicker wins the apple."
The other farmer agreed to this and so the first farmer found his
heaviest pair of wellingtons and put them on; he took a few steps
back, ran toward the other farmer and kicked him as hard as he could
in the balls. The other farmer fell to the floor clutching his nuts,
howling in agony for 30 minutes.
Eventually the other farmer stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to
kick you in the bollocks."
"Keep the bloody apple."
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