Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by
running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck.
Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, they pulled the
bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home,
with the chain still attached to the machine, with their bumper still
attached to the chain and with their vehicle's license plate still
attached to the bumper.
South Carolina: A man walked into a local police station, dropped a
bag of cocaine on the counter, informed the desk sergeant that it was
substandard cut, and asked that the person who sold it to him be
arrested immediately.
Indiana: A man walked up to a cashier at a grocery store and demanded
all the money in the register. When the cashier handed him the loot,
he fled--leaving his wallet on the counter.
England: A German "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, shows up at
customs with his golf bag. While making idle chatter about golf, the
customs official realizes that the tourist does not know what a
"handicap" is. The customs official asks the tourist to demonstrate
his swing, which he does - backwards! A substantial amount of
narcotics was found in the golf bag.
Arizona: A company called "Guns For Hire" stages gunfights for Western
movies, etc. One day, they received a call from a 47-year-old woman,
who wanted to have her husband killed. She got 4-1/2 years in jail.
Texas: A man convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600 in
damages rather than serve a prison sentence. For payment, he provided
the court a check - a *forged* check. He got 10 years.
(Location Unknown): A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun,
announced a robbery, and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his head -
and realized that he'd forgotten to cut eyeholes in the mask.
(Location Unknown): A man successfully broke into a bank after hours
and stole - are you ready for this? - the bank's video camera, while
it was recording. Remotely. (That is, the videotape recorder was
located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of
himself stealing the camera.)
(Location Unknown): A man successfully broke into a bank's basement
through a street-level window, cutting himself up pretty badly in the
process. He then realized that (1) he could not get to the money from
where he was, (2) he could not climb back out the window through which
he had entered, and (3) he was bleeding pretty badly. So he located a
phone and dialed "911" for help...
Virginia: Two men in a pickup truck went to a new-home site to steal a
refrigerator. Banging up walls, floors, etc., they snatched a
refrigerator from one of the houses, and loaded it onto the pickup.
The truck promptly got stuck in the mud, so these brain surgeons
decided that the refrigerator was too heavy. Banging up *more* walls,
floors, etc., they put the refrigerator BACK into the house, and
returned to the pickup truck, only to realize that they locked the
keys in the truck - so they abandoned it.
(Location Unknown): A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on
the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash
drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the
register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash
from the clerk and fled - leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The
total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars.
New York: Two men decide to rob a bank using their junkheap of a car
for a getaway vehicle. They had spray-painted "FOR SALE" with their
phone number on the side of the car in an effort to sell the heap.
Long Beach, CA: Several employees of a large (un-named) aerospace
company decide to rob a bank on their lunch hour, figuring that the
police would never look for them at the plant. Of course, they forgot
to remove their ID badges while they were robbing the bank! (And I
thought wearing mine into the grocery store was embarrassing.)
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