"When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire."
"To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test
tube."
"When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide."
"Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure
gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."
"The moon is a planet just like the Earth, only it is even deader."
"Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like
umbrellas."
"The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the
abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax
contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the
bowls, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u."
"The pistol of a flower is its only protections agenst insects."
"The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana."
"The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out
and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is
something to hitch meat to."
"A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it
is."
"Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa."
"Germinate: To become a naturalized German."
"Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away."
"Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives."
"Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is
affirmative or negative."
"To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose."
"For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the
heart stops."
"For drowning: Climb on top of the person and move up and down to make
artifical perspiration."
"For fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above
the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest
medical doctor."
"For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is
dead."
"To prevent contraception: wear a condominium."
"For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in
your throat."
"To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow."
"H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water."
"Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars."
"Blood flows down one leg and up the other."
"Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then
expectoration."
"Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead
of the bull."
"Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes
them perspire."
"A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold."
"Planet: A body of earth surrounded by sky."
"Rhubarb: a kind of celery gone bloodshot."
"For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not
recovered, then kill it."
"A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids,
two molars, and eight cuspidors."
"The tides are a fight between the Earth and Moon. All water tends
towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature
abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in the fight"
"Liter: A nest of young puppies."
"Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat."
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