These are signs in hotels and other public places in foreign countries
where they make the effort to write signs in English but their efforts
go astray.
In a Vienna hotel:
In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people
of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one
tent unless they are married with each other for that purpuse.
In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex
in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this
purpuse.
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodist.
A traslated sentence from a Russian chess book:
A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation
has been played.
In a Rome laudry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good
time.
In a Czechoslovakian turist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no
miscarriages.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?
On the faucet in a Finnish washroom:
To stop the drip, turn cock to right.
In the window of a Swedish furrier:
Fur coates made for ladies from their own skin.
On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
Guaranted to work throughout its useful life.
Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan:
Stop: Drive Sideways.
In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today - no ice cream.
In a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even foreigner if dressed as a man.
In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
If this is your first visit to USSR, you are welcome to it.
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
At a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to
the guard on duty.
In the office of a Roman doctor:
Specialist in women and other diseases.
In a Tokyo hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towel please. If you are not person to do
such thing is please not to read this notis.
In another Japanese hotel room:
Please to bathe inside the tub.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret
that you will be unbearable.
In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter backwards, and only when lit up.
In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should
enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor.
Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are espected to complain at the office between the hours of 9
and 11am daily.
In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the
chambermaid.
In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox
monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet
composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly:
There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Aets by 15,000 Soviet Republic
painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots
of ascension.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
In the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm's own make;
limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger;
roasted duck let loose;
beef rashers beaten up the country people's fashion.
In a Hong Kong supermarket:
For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
In a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers
in strict rotation.
In an East African newspaper:
A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have
thrown in the bulk of their workers.
In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:
Drop your trousers here for best results.
Outside a Paris dress shop:
Dresses for street walking.
In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
In a Tokyo shop:
Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the
long run.
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air
conditioner: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in
your room, please control yourself.
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him
melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then
tootle him with vigor.
Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
- English well talking.
- Here speeching American.
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