These statements are allegedly genuine extracts from letters sent to a
Local Council by tenants somewhere in the West Midlands, UK:
I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he
put his feet in the hole in his back passage.
The lavatory is blocked, this is caused by the boys next door throwing
their balls on the roof.
This is to let you know that their is a smell coming from the man next
door.
The toilet seat is cracked, where do I stand.
I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the
wall.
I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
Can you please tell me when our repairs are going to be done as my
wife is about to become an expectant mother.
I want some repairs doing to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt
my knob off.
I am still having trouble with smoke in my built in drawers.
The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is
cleared.
The person next door has a large erection in his back garden which is
unsightly and dangerous.
Will you please send someone to mend our broken path. Yesterday my
wife tripped on it and is now pregnant.
Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a
third, so will you please send someone to do something about it.
Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is funny colour and
not fit to drink.
Would you please send a man to look at my spout, I am an old age
pensioner and I need it straight away.
I woke this morning and I found my water boiling.
This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we cannot
get BBC2.
Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap. My wife got her toe
stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for us.
I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at
5.30 his cock wakes me up and it is getting too much.
When I applied for a rebate you said that you would have to take
something off. Now that you have taken it off, I have been told that
you should have put some on. So will you please take off what you took
off and put on what you should have put on when you took it off.
When the workmen were here they put their tools in my wife's new
drawers and made a mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish
the job and keep my wife happy.
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