Crap Jokes: Truth Stranger Than Fiction: Letters: Some Dam Correspondence


This was an actual letter from and reply to the Michigan Department of
Environmental Quality.

John Engler, Governor
Department Of Environmental Quality
Hollister Building, Po Box 30473, Lansing Mi 48909-7973

December 17, 1997

To: Mr. Ryan DeVries
2088 Dagget Pierson, MI 49339

Dear Mr. DeVries:

SUBJECT: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023-1 T11N, R10W, Sec. 20, Montcalm
County

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental
Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above
referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal
landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized
activity:

Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet
stream of Spring Pond.

A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity.
A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been
issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is
in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural
Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts
of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan
Compiled Laws, annotated. The Department has been informed that one or
both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing
debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of
this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted.

The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all
unauthorized activities at this location, and to restore the stream to
a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams
from the strewn channel. All restoration work shall be completed no
later than January 31, 1998.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so
that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff.
Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized
activity on the site may result in this case being referred for
elevated enforcement action. We anticipate and would appreciate your
full cooperation in this matter.

Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any
questions.

Sincerely,
David L. Price
District Representative
Land and Water Management Division

---- Reply Letter ----

Dear Mr. Price:

Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N, R10W, Sec 20; Montcalm County

Your certified letter dated 12/17/97 has been handed to me to respond
to. You sent out a great deal of carbon copies to a lot of people, but
you neglected to include their addresses. You will, therefore, have to
send them a copy of my response.

First of all, Mr. Ryan DeVries is not the legal landowner and/or
contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan - I am the legal owner
and a couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of
constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet
stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, nor authorize their
dam project, I think they would be highly offended you call their
skillful use of natural building materials "debris." I would like to
challenge you to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or
any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you
could ever match their skills, their resourcefulness, their ingenuity,
their persistence, their determination and/or their dam work ethic.

As to your request the beavers first must fill out a permit prior to
the start of this type of dam activity, my first question to you is:
are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers or do
you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam
request? If you are not discriminating against these particular
beavers, please send me completed copies of all those other applicable
beaver dam permits. Perhaps we will see if there really is a violation
of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and
Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994,
being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws
annotated.

My first concern is - aren't the beavers entitled to legal
representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and
are unable to pay for said dam representation - so the State will have
to provide them with a lawyer. The Department's concern that either
one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event causing dam
flooding is proof we should leave the dam Spring Pond Beavers alone
rather than harassing them and calling their dam names. If you want
the stream "restored" to a free-flow condition - contact the beavers -
but if you are going to arrest them (they obviously did not pay any
dam attention to your letter-being unable to read English) - be sure
you read them their Miranda rights first. As for me, I am not going to
cause more flooding or debris jams by interfering with these dam
builders. If you want to hurt these beavers - be aware I am sending
a copy of your dam letter and this response to PETA.

If your Department seriously finds all dams of this nature inherently
hazardous and truly will not permit their existence in this State - I
seriously hope you are not selectively enforcing this policy - or once
again both I and the Spring Pond Beavers will scream prejudice!

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build
their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is
green and water flows downstream. They have more right than I to live
and enjoy Spring Pond. So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned,
this case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action now.

Why wait until 1/31/98? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the ice
then and there will be no way for you or your staff to contact/harass
them then.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention a real
environmental quality (health) problem; bears are actually defecating
in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the
defecating bears and leave the dam beavers alone. If you are going to
investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are not
careful where they dump!)

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to
contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this
response to your dam office.

Sincerely,
Stephen L. Tvedten
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