"The government must crack down on this disgusting craze of
'pumping,'" said a spokesman for the Nakhon Ratchasima hospital in
Thailand. "If this perversion catches on, it will destroy the cream of
our manhood." He was speaking after the remains of 13 year-old
Charnchai Puanmuangpak had been rushed into the hospital's emergency
room. "Most 'pumpers' use a standard bicycle pump," he explained,
"inserting the nozzle far up their rectum, giving themselves a rush of
air, creating a momentary high. This act is a sin against God."
Charnchai took it further still. He started using a two-cylinder foot
pump, but even that wasn't exciting enough for him, and he boasted to
friends that he was going to try the compressed air hose at a nearby
gasoline station. They dared him to do it so, under cover of darkness,
he sneaked in. Not realising how powerful the machine was, he inserted
the tube deep into his rectum, and placed a coin in the slot. As a
result, he died virtually instantly, but passers-by are still in
shock. One woman thought she was watching a twilight fireworks
display, and started clapping. "We still haven't located all of him,"
say the police authorities. "When that quantity of air interacted with
the gas in his system, he nearly exploded. It was like an atom bomb
went off or something." "Pumping is the devil's pastime, and we must
all say no to Satan," Ratchasima concluded. "Inflate your tyres by all
means, but then hide your bicycle pump where it cannot tempt you."
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