"In retrospect, I admit it was unwise to try to gain access to my
house via the cat flap," Gunther Burpus admitted to reporters in
Bremen, Germany. "I suppose that the reason they're called cat flaps,
rather than human flaps, is because they're too small for people, and
perhaps I should have realized that." Burpus, a forty-one year old
gardener from Bremen, was relating how he had become trapped in his
own front door for two days, after losing his house keys. "I got my
head and shoulders through the flap, but became trapped fast around
the waist. At first, it all seemed rather amusing. I sang songs and
told myself jokes. But then I wanted to go to the lavatory I began
shouting for help, but my head was in the hallway so my screams were
muffled. After a few hours, a group of students approached me but,
instead of helping, they removed my trousers and pants, painted my
buttocks bright blue, and stuck a daffodil between my cheeks. Then
they placed a sign next to me which said 'Germany resurgent, an
essay in street art. Please give generously' and left me there.
People were passing by and, when I asked for help, they just said
'Very good! very clever!' and threw coins into my trousers. No one
tried to free me. In fact, I only got free after two days because a
dog started licking my private parts and an old woman complained to
the police. They came and cut me out, but arrested me as soon as I was
freed. Luckily they've now dropped the charges, and I collected over
DM3,000 in my underpants, so the time wasn't entirely wasted."
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