Crap Jokes: Truth Stranger Than Fiction: Newspapers and Magazines: US Air Force


Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force
pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.

Problem:  Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Solution: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

Problem:  Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
Solution: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

Problem:  The autopilot doesn't.
Solution: It does now.

Problem:  Something loose in cockpit.
Solution: Something tightened in cockpit.

Problem:  Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear.
Solution: Evidence removed.

Problem:  DME volume unbelievably loud.
Solution: Volume set to more believable level.

Problem:  Dead bugs on windshield.
Solution: Live bugs on order.

Problem:  Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
Solution: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Problem:  IFF inoperative.
Solution: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

Problem:  Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Solution: That's what they're there for.

Problem:  Number three engine missing.
Solution: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
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