"Liz Taylor is recovering in hospital after having had a benign tuna
removed from just behind her right ear."
- Capital Radio.
Peter Snow: "In a sense, Deng Xiaoping's death was inevitable, wasn't
it?"
Expert: "Yes."
- Channel 4 News.
"Robert Lee was able to do some running on his groin for the first
time."
- Glenn Hoddle, quoted in the Observer.
"As Phil De Glanville said, each game is unique, and this one is no
different to any other."
- John Sleightholme, BBC1.
Shoemaker: "Sometimes we use French leather."
John Eley: "Where do you get that from?"
Shoemaker: "France!"
- BBC Radio Suffolk.
"You weigh up the pros and cons and try to put them in chronological
order."
- Dave Bassett, Radio 5 Live.
Shane Ritchie: "What's your name?"
Contestant: "Eva."
Shane Ritchie: "Short for?"
Contestant: "Eva."
- ITV.
"If England are going to win this match, they're going to have to
score a goal."
- Jimmy Hill, BBC.
Fern Brittain: "So you're a schoolteacher. And what sort of children
do you teach?"
Contestant: "Schoolchildren."
- BBC2.
"You could hear everyone's eyebrows going higher and higher into
their foreheads."
- Member of 'Piece by Piece', Radio 1.
"Beethoven, Kurtag, Charles Ives, Debussy - four very different
names."
- Presenter, BBC Proms, Radio 3.
"It's like learning to play golf. Just when you think you've cracked
it, they move the goalposts."
- Adrian Love, Southern Counties Radio.
"Cystitis is a living death, it really is. Nobody ever talks about it,
but if I was faced with a choice between having my arms removed and
getting cystitis, I'd wave goodbye to my arms quite happily."
- Louise Wener (of Sleeper), Q Magazine.
"...an idea someone picks up and runs with, only to find they've
painted themselves into a corner."
- Labour Spokesperson, BBC1.
Grand National winning jockey Mick Fitzgerald: "Sex is an anti-climax
after that!"
Desmond Lynam: "Well, you gave the horse a wonderful ride, everyone
saw that."
- BBC.
"Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the
the field."
- Metro Radio.
"Morcelli has the four fastest 1500-metre times ever. And all those
times are at 1500 metres."
- David Coleman, BBC1.
Listener: "My most embarrassing moment was when my artificial
leg fell off at the altar on my wedding day."
Simon Fanshawe: "How awful! Do you still have an artificial leg?"
- Talk Radio.
"The pit say PUMP ON, that probably means to switch the pump on."
- Murray Walker, BBC.
Interviewer: "So did you see which train crashed into which train
first?"
15-year-old: "No, they both ran into each other at the same time."
- Radio 4.
"The lack of money is evident but you've got 12,000 volunteers who'll
break their back to make sure it's a success."
- Today Program (on the Paralympics).
Presenter: "So what would happen if you mated the woolly mammoth
with, say, an elephant?"
Palaeontologist: "Well in the same way that a horse and a donkey
produce a mule, we'd get a sort of half-mammoth."
Presenter: "So it'd be like some sort of hairy gorilla?"
Palaeontologist: "Er, yes, but elephant shaped, and with tusks."
- GLR.
Kilroy-Silk: "Did you mean to get pregnant?"
Girl: "No. It was a cock-up."
- BBC1.
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