Crap Jokes: Truth Stranger Than Fiction: TV and Radio: Family Fortunes


Family Fortunes
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Genuine contestants' answers from the ITV game show Family Fortunes.


We asked one hundred people to name...            You say...
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A famous Scotsman                                 Vinny Jones
A famous Scotsman                                 Jock
An item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers  A horse
A jacket potato topping                           Jam
A food that can be brown or white                 Potatoes
A sign of the zodiac                              April
A job a working dog does                          Slave
Something with a hole in it                       A window
Something people might be allergic to             Skiing
A type of large cat                               Persian
A type of record                                  Floppy disc
Something associated with pigs                    The police
A non-living object with legs                     A plant
A domestic animal                                 Leopard
Something red                                     My cardigan
A kind of ache                                    Filet-o-fish

(To a contestant who was a SOUP salesman)
A food that can be easily eaten without chewing   Er, chips?

Something you beat                                An apple
A dangerous race                                  The Arabs
A number you have to memorise                     Seven
Some famous brothers                              Bonnie and Clyde
Something that floats in the bath                 Water
Something in the garden that's green              The shed
Something a blind man might use                   A sword
Something you wear on the beach                   A deckchair
A famous cowboy                                   Buck Rogers
An animal you might see at a zoo                  A dog
A famous bridge                                   The Bridge Over
                                                  Troubled Waters
A part of the body beginning with the letter N    Knee
Something you put on walls                        Roofs
Something you do in the bathroom                  Decorate
A famous Royal                                    Mail
Something slippery                                A con-man
A way of cooking fish                             Cod
A form of transport you can walk around in        My foot
A method of securing your home                    Put the kettle on
Something you do before going to bed              Sleep
Something a cat does                              Goes to the toilet
An animal beginning with the letter B             Bullfrog
The last thing you take off before going to bed   Your feet
Something that makes you scream                   A squirrel
Something you have with coffee                    The Sunday Sport
A song with 'Moon' in the title                   'Blue Suede Moon'
Something that flies that doesn't have an engine  A bicycle with wings
Something with a red light on it                  A Dalek
Something you open other than a door              Your bowels


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