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image (c) Kitty Roach
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Ponderings, ramblings, bumper stickers, et al
Things we wonder:
 Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow? Only to be troubled and insecure?
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn't is it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
What's another word for thesaurus?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?
When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Why is the word abbreviation so long?
If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
Does the reverse side also have a reverse side?
Why is the alphabet in that order?
What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way.
Why is a carrot more orange thanan orange?
Do fish get cramps after eating?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
Why is there only one Monopolies commission?
Why do scientists call it "re"search when looking for something new?
A Tip
The next time you get pulled over for speeding try this technique. When pulled over for speeding ask the officer as he walks up to your window and opens his ticket book "I bet you're going to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolman's Ball." The officer may reply "No, Highway Patrolmen don't have Balls." Then allow a moment of silence and smile While the officer realizes what he'd said. Ok, it does work much better for women!
Top Bumper Sticker's seen around the world!
1. Constipated people don't give a crap.
2. Practice safe sex, go screw yourself.
3. If you drink don't park, accidents cause people.
4. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
5. If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut.
6. Please tell your pants its not polite to point.
7. If that phone was up your butt, maybe you could drive a little better.
8. My kid got your honor roll student pregnant.
9. Thank you for pot smoking.
10. To all you virgins - thanks for nothing.
11. If at first you don't succeed...blame someone else and seek counselling.
12. Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No Hard Feelings".
13. If you can read this, I've lost my trailer.
14. Horn broken...watch for finger.
15. It's not how you pick your nose, but where you put the booger.
16. If you're not a hemorrhoid, get off my ass.
17. If you can read this, the bitch fell off (on the back of a biker's t-shirt)
18. If you think this car is dirty, try spending a night with the driver (just saw this one today - hilarious!)
Ramdon Thoughts
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Be Careful What you ask for ... you may get it >
If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you get a Phillip's Screwdriver?
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?
Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?
If you take an Oriental person and spin them around several times, do they become disoriented?
If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?"
Slogans Seen on Tee Shirts
- Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
- I used to be schizophrenic, but we're okay now.
- I do whatever the voices in my head tell me to do.
- I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people.
- How can I miss you if you won't go away?
- I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
- Of course I don't look busy- I did it right the first time.
- Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?
- 4 out of the 5 voices in my head say "call in sick."
- If a cat always lands on its feet, and toast always lands butter side down.
- What happens if you put a piece of toast, butter side up, on a cat's back and drop it?
- Always remember, one good turn ... gets most of the blankets
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