Revelations of unqualified pilots taking control of SA airliners
have prompted the Civil Aviation Authority to post new flying guidelines
on airline notice boards:
1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is
mandatory.
2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get
bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you
keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.
3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is.
4. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No-one
ever collided with sky.
5. A good landing is one from which you can walk
away. A great landing is one after which they can use the plane again.
6. You know you've landed with wheels up if it
takes full power to taxi to the ramp.
7. Stay out of clouds. Mountains have been known
to hide out in clouds.
8. Always try to keep the number of landings equal
to the number of take offs.
9. In the continuing battle between aluminium
things going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles
per hour, the ground has yet to lose.
10. It's a good idea to keep the pointy end going
forward as much as possible.
