Due to increasing products liability litigation, beer manufacturers
have accepted the USA FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels
be placed immediately on all beer containers.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think
you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol is a major factor
in dancing like an asshole.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may cause you
to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want
to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may cause you
to hay shings like thish.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may lead you to
believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4
in the morning.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may leave you
wondering what the hell happened to your pants.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may make you think
you have mystical Kung Fu powers.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may cause you
to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species
and or name you can't remember).
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol is the leading
cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may create the
illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really,
really big guy named FRANZ.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may lead you to
believe you are invisible.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may lead you to
think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may cause an influx
in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of
time may seem to literally disappear.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may actually CAUSE
pregnancy.
