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In case you needed further proof that the Human Race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer products:
On a blanket from Taiwan - NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.
On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists - REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
On a Taiwanese shampoo - USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.
On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink - AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.
On a New Zealand insect spray - THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.
In a US guide to setting up a new computer - TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)
On a Japanese product used to relieve painful haemorrhoids - LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.
In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles - OPEN OTHER END.
On a packet of Sunmaid raisins - WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?
On a Sears hairdryer - DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.
On a bag of Fritos - YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE
NECESSARY DETAILS
INSIDE. (The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap - DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP.
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box) - DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN. (Too late! You lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding - PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
On a Korean kitchen knife - WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN. (Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?)
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights - FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY. (As opposed to ?)
On a Japanese food processor - NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE. (Now I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts - WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS.
On an American Airlines packet of nuts - INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS. (I'm glad they cleared that up.)
On a Swedish chainsaw - DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS. (And this is a common problem?)
On a child's superman costume - WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY. (That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)
On some frozen dinners - SERVING SUGGESTION: DEFROST.
On a hotel provided shower cap in a box - FITS ONE HEAD.
On packaging for a Rowenta iron - DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.
On Boot's Children's cough medicine - DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY.
On Nytol sleep aid - WARNING: MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS.
