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As there are a significant number of new fans following the Panthers these days, I thought it might be wise to educate them on a few things they may not have realised they had signed up for. The following guidelines are designed to help any new Pantherfan blend in seemlessly with the older fans and conceal their newbie status.Wear Black & Gold
Now possible thanks to the Panthers' shirt design team going back to basics. Where previous chants about our 'Black & Gold Army' had to accommodate the word 'red' as well, this can now be done away with to make room for lyrics such as 'Our logo isn't a beer mat, no really' and 'Who put these ruddy cup cakes on the shoulders ?'. You are allowed to throw rocks at anyone who suggests that our shirts are actually yellow.
Worship Trevor Robins
Super, super Trev ! Super Trevor Robins ! Back in the halcyon days of the 98-99 season we were very, very good. Our netminder was very, very good too. Repeat any phrase you have heard anywhere about the greatest save of all time and tack the name Trev to the start of the sentence to meet with instant approval from your fellow fans. Don't mention Trev's odd walkabouts when he could be found somewhere in the region of the Skate Shop while three attackers were marauding around the open net.
Cringe At Our Grand Opening
Since moving to our new home at the NIC, it appears someone left all trace of coolness behind at the old rink and was unable to retrieve it before it was demolished. Gone is Iggy Pop singing our lads in with 'Lust For Life'. Gone is what sounded like Bernard Cribbins reading a passage from Where The Wild Things Are which at least gave way to Guns N' Roses 'Welcome To The Jungle'. Now we have Julian Clary whittering on about 'Ah the Panther. What a lovely beast', followed by the saxophone break from a tune which is only known previously for playing in the background while Paul Hogan strutted around New York with a big knife in Crocodile Dundee. Also if anyone asks you to give them a 'P' assume it stands for Punch.
Vilify Judas Brebant
Judas Brebant walked out on a two year contract with the Panthers in the Summer of 1995. This is not to be forgotten. Ever. Got that ? All self-respecting Panthers therefore refer to him as Judas, even though many possibly don't actually know what it was he did in the first place. All mentions of Judas are to be associated with the words 'cheat' and 'dive'. Also any penalty appeal by Judas is to be greeted by catcalls of '5.9 ! 5.9 ! 5.9 ! 6.0 !' regardless of whether he was actually fouled and any injury he may have sustained as a result. For example: Clayton Norris plants a javalin between Judas' shoulder blades. Correct assumption: Clayton was only cleaning said javalin and was taking it across the ice to show Judas the lovely sheen he'd achieved on the tip, when Judas cynically threw himself backwards onto the javalin to gain a face off for Attempted Murder from Referee Rowe.
Remember February 9th
The bench clearance will forever be remembered in the hearts of all Panthersfans for the heinous attempted beheading perpetrated by Scott Allison on Barry Nieckar and Baz's subsequent drubbing of Allison, Vial and oh, Allison again. It matters not if Allison scores twenty goals in every game this season as he should obviously have been banned for life and all the points he's scored between then and now deducted and added to Baz's total as compensation. February 9th will also be remembered by Referee Hanson for being in the Top Three biggest brawls of the season involving the Panthers, the other two massive scraps against London also occurring with him watching notebook in hand from a quiet, safe corner of the rink.
Bemoan Sticky Out Bits
It is a little known fact, especially amongst regulars at the NIC, that the puck isn't actually supposed to fly around the boards to a point in the corner and then suddenly turn a 90 degree angle to wang across the front of the net, scattering netminders and defencemen alike. It is obligatory to ask once in every game when they are going to fix the boards and ponder if the security would let you at them with your Dad's Black & Decker.
Miss The Cardiff Devils
Four years ago the Steelers were a force to be...well, ignored really. Our main rivalry was with the Cardiff Devils. Geographically this made about as much sense as Swaziland having a navy, but the games were unmissable. There were often players carried off, others sword fighting with their sticks, brawls involving four men against one, enough hooks to empty the Atlantic of fish and we had a tendancy to win these games as well. Romantisize with your fellow fans about the last Devils game when, in a classic piece of text book hockey, Mike Ware pinned Graham Garden to the boards and then-Devil Clayton Norris smashed his face into the plexi.
Damn The Confetti
Two years ago the Panthers faced the Steelers in the Challenge Cup Final and were the victims of a simister plot to cheat them out of the title by dumping a shedload of confetti on the team halfway through the game. It is entirely plausible that the Panthers could have scored ten goals in the remaining 3.5 seconds playing time they were denied. Video evidence also clearly shows that Jamie Leach was tripped by said confetti whilst on one of his rapier-swift breakaways and should have been awarded a penalty shot to win us the game from 2-1 down.
Hate Carson
This may save your life. Complimenting Referee Andy Carson's performance in any way in close proximity to large numbers of Panthersfans is dangerous to your health. Repeat the mantra Carson Is A Steeler one hundred times and wave teal and orange at him if you should meet him in person. It is a well-known fact that Carson travels with Steelers, is married to a Steeler, eats Steelers, sleeps Steelers, steals from Steelers and is in fact made of Steel from Sheffield the home of the Steelers. Further advice on hating Carson can be found in the guidance note How To Be A Steeler.
If you follow the simple steps laid down in this guide you will be able to hold your own in most game night social situations. In the event that you still have problems gaining acceptance from your fellow Panthers, fall back on the fail safe tactic of remarking 'Nicky Chinn ! What a tosser !'.
