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1. You decide that the relationship
with your partner is over. How do you break the news you are
leaving?
(a) Leave a tearful note on the table and slip quietly
away
(b) Calmly discuss the reasons with your partner for
your decision
(c) Attack them with a chair in front of a rabble of
cheering, pumped-up inbreds on national (Springer) television.
2. You and your buddies decide to
have a game of soccer in the park. What do you need to take?
(a) A ball
(b) A ball and 2 coats
(c) A ball, 50 crash helmets, 4 tons of body armour,
20 cheerleaders, a marching sousaphone band with a grand piano on a trolley,
and a team of orthopedic surgeons specializing in spinal injuries.
3. You are driving along a country
road when you accidentally run over a rabbit. What do you do?
(a) Stop and see how badly injured it is, taking it to
a vet if it is still alive
(b) Carry on driving, but hope it is still alive, or
if not, that it died quickly
(c) Strap it across the bonnet of your car and drive
home hollering, whooping and throwing empty Budweiser cans out of the window.
4. You wake up in the morning with
a stiff neck after sleeping in an awkward position. What do you do?
(a) Ignore it. It will probably loosen up as the day
progresses
(b) Take a couple of aspirins and get on with things.
(c) Take yourself to a prostitute-addicted TV evangelist
faith healer in an ill-fitting wig, who will lay his hands on you head,
whilst screaming about the devil in front of an audience of gibbering rednecks.
5. What do you have for breakfast?
(a) A bowl of Cornflakes, slice of toast and a mug of
tea
(b) Glass of orange juice, croissant and a cup of coffee
(c) A bag of donuts with ice cream, a 32 ounce steak
with six eggs sunny side-up, fifteen pancakes with maple syrup, ten waffles,
five corn dogs and a diet root beer.
6. You and your partner decide to
take the plunge and get married. What sort of ceremony do you have?
(a) A quiet party with a few friends in a registry office
(b) A church service followed by a traditional reception
at a hotel
(c) A minute long mockery at a 24 hour drive-through
chapel in Las Vegas, presided over by a transvestite vicar dressed as Elvis.
7. Your 14-year-old son is going
through a difficult phase, becoming disruptive at school and reclusive
at home. What do you do?
(a) Don't worry. Its just a phase and will pass.
(b) Encourage him to get out more, get involved in team
sports or join a
youth club.
(c) Take him to an armory and buy him an arsenal of semi-automatic
weapons and enough ammunition to slaughter a small town.
8. You fancy a night in watching
something funny on TV. What kind of comedy do you choose?
(a) A sitcom like Fawlty Towers or Father Ted
(b) A sketch show like the Two Ronnies or the Fast show
(c) A thinly disguised morality play set in a massive
lounge where the audience whoop for ten minutes every time an overpaid
actor with a superglued grin on his face makes an entrance to deliver a
lightweight
wisecrack.
9. Whilst getting ready for bed,
you stub your toe on your wife's dressing table. What do you do?
(a) Shout and swear a bit, after all, it did hurt
(b) Make a mental note to move the table so it doesn't
happen again
(c) Immediately call a hotshot lawyer with an uptown
reputation, and sue your wife's ass.
10. There are peace talks in another
part of the world. What do you do?
(a) Let them get on with it but offer your advice if
needed
(b) Let them get on with it and offer help to both sides
(c) Ignore all parties wishes and protests and take over
the talks.
11. There are global concerns about
the emissions from cars, do you:
(a) Introduce incentives to switch to cleaner cars
(b) Invent a new cleaner fuel
(c) Continue to use and invent dirtier cars, ignoring
the global concerns about the emissions.
12. There is a war in another part
of the world, do you:
(a) Monitor to see if Human rights are being infringed
and step in when necessary
(b) Monitor to see if Human rights are being infringed
and bring the culprits to justice
(c) Invade the country flattening all buildings, fire
at all allied and enemy airplanes killing people no matter which side they're
on after all, a kill is a kill.
13. Your city has been the victim
of a terrorist attack. You should:
(a) Treat victims, clean up and find those responsible
(b) Treat victims, clean up and find those responsible
and bring them to justice
(c) Treat victims, clean up and find those responsible,
but continue to support and fund terrorist activities abroad.
14. You're on holiday abroad, do
you:
(a) Enjoy the local culture and food
(b) Enjoy the local culture and food but look forward
to getting home
(c) Complain and whine that the country that you are
visiting is nothing like home.
Answers... If you answered mostly
(a)'s & (b)'s then you are a normal well-balanced individual. If you
answered mostly (c)'s then sorry, you are an American.
