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I understand an announcement is to be made tomorrow at 09:00hrs by the IIHF concerning new rules on the construction and management of game pucks. In line with a research trial carried out in British Columbia last winter with pucks made from compressed vegetable matter the IIHF intend to phase out rubber pucks over the next two seasons to assist Greenpeace with the planting of sustainable rubber tree forests in Malaysia. IIHF Spokesperson Bernie Gebhardt stated: We are concerned, with Greenpeace to ensure that rubber will continue to be supplied for mission critical systems, medical and contraception areas and for other vital requirements throughout our world. The IIHF welcome this new initiative and I ask everyone to play his or her part in the introduction of the new ‘playing tablet.’” Simon Mayhew-Twiselton-Grimp of Greenpeace said: “This is another step towards the salvation of our planet.”
For ease of use during competitive games the IIHF are officially renaming the Puck to the Vuck.” This is in tribute to it’s inventor Peter ‘Slippery sheets’ Smithers of the Tennessee, Washington And Tacoma Society (TWATS) of rubber artists. Gebhardt goes on to say that Vucks will be manufactured mostly, in the Asian sub continent, bringing valuable employment to many regions. Specialists at each hockey arena will advise staff on the management of Vucks – temperature and relative humidity ranges need to be controlled as the vegetable matter can degrade if environmental thresholds are breached.
Secret trials with Vucks have been made across North America with a degree of success. Don Cherry, owner the Missasuaga Ice Dogs of the Ontario Hockey League commented: “I never like European players, the Swedes are the worst, won’t go into the corners, won’t fight, have their sticks up all the time – but if we can compress a Swede into one of these Vucks I am all for it.” (Don Cherry is 87). Trials in the West Coast Hockey League were delayed when some players in San Francisco de-compressed the vegetable matter and apparently smoked it. Chris McSorely of London Knights commented: Pucks, Vucks, *ucks – it’s all the same to us – we will hit ‘em anyway they want to be hit, we don’t care, we have no conscience.” (Chris McSorely is 56) Dave Simms of Sheffield Steelers was unavailable for comment. (Dave Simms is 12).
Vucks should be available by June
2000 with suppliers yet to be indentified, however most hockey arenas together
with Tesco, Safeway and Sainsbury produce areas are likely to carry packs
of three Vucks.
