WELFARE BLOOPERS
(Sent in by PantherMan)

The following excerpts are drawn from letters written by citizens applying for payments from a state welfare agency.

1) I am glad to report that my husband who is missing is dead.

2) In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.

3) I am very much annoyed to find you have branded my son illiterate. This is a dirty lie as I was married a week before he was born.

4) Unless I get my money soon, I will be forced to live an immortal life.

5) I am forwarding my marriage certificate and three children, one of which is a mistake as you can see.

6) I cannot get sick pay. I have six children. Can you tell me why?

7) I am writing the Welfare Department to say that my baby was born.

8) Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for a year and has been visited regularly by the clergy.

9) Please find for certain if my husband is dead. The man I am now living with can’t eat or do anything until he knows.

10) In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a boy weighing 10 pounds. I hope this is satisfactory.

11) I am forwarding my marriage certificate and six children I have on half a sheet of paper.

12) My husband got his project cut off two weeks ago and haven’t had any relief since.

13) I want my money as quick as I can get it. I’ve been in bed with the doctor for two weeks now and he doesn’t do me any good. If things don’t improve, I will have to send for another doctor.

14) I am writing to say that my baby was born two years old, when do I get my money.

15) This is my eighth child, what are you going to do about it?

16) You have changed my little boy to a little girl, will this make any difference?

17) Please send me money at once since I have fallen into error with my landlord.

18) I have no children as yet as my husband is a bus driver and works day and night.
 


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