<!-- This script and many more are available online from -->
<!-- The JavaScript Source!! http://javascriptsource.com -->

<!-- Begin
var howMany = 150
var quote = new Array(howMany+1)
quote[0]=".......what's that sound - my god it's Marck Baileys gigantic hand unplugging me.....bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz(flatline)"
quote[1]="Look mom - I'm roadkill!"
quote[2]="But - Buck! - the thermometer!"
quote[3]="You haven't got anything a wee bit more....medicinal?"
quote[4]="This is the sort of delightful serendipity that can occur when you take the time to talk to the servant classes as if they were your equals"
quote[5]="He sure looks nice exploding against the night sky"
quote[6]="Doesn't it scream when they put it in a blender?"
quote[7]="I have dead cow on my hands?"
quote[8]="Women?  You can't live with them and yet...they're everywhere"
quote[9]="Turn off friend bitmaps by selecting the FRIENDS=FALSE tooltype or the NOFRIENDS CLI switch.  Cybergraphics users want friends (system legal), Picasso users won't (old way)."
quote[10]="mmmmmmmmmm.............organised crime........."
quote[11]="In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics!"
quote[12]="Ray:  Does everyone in Canada know each other?<BR>Fraser Sr.:  You need the Yank.  Swallow the pride, son."
quote[13]="He's 12 feet long with horns like you've never seen"
quote[14]="Were you holding the axe the right way round?"
quote[15]="Hobbitses?  What the hell are they?"
quote[16]="I've come dressed as that wizard bloke"
quote[17]="Lucky I was wearing my asbestos underwear"
quote[18]="We're heading for social anarchy when it comes to pissing on bookstores"
quote[19]="Can't believe I'm on a first name basis with these people"
quote[20]="I was having one of those really satisfying bowel movements - you know, the ones that border on mystical"
quote[21]="Homer, I couldn't help overhear you warping Bart's mind"
quote[22]="Alright.  One kiss.  But I don't want you bragging to your friends about how you scored."
quote[23]="That's it?  No ceremonies?  No adoring crowds, confetti, wild orgies, banners and ice cream?"
quote[24]="Belchgrabbit and Snogfondle!!  I've seen enough"
quote[25]="I'm telling you man, that thing had a sphincter factor of about 9.5!"
quote[26]="I'm going to eat you and put your friend there in the fridge"
quote[27]="...so I've decided not to eat you but to take industrial action instead"
quote[28]="Induce vomitting...there's an idea..."
quote[29]="Mary:  Oh, I'm sorry, tonight I'm having my eyes gouged out.<BR>Dick:  Can't you reschedule?"
quote[30]="How about...&quot;Crocodiles bit off my face?!&quot;"
quote[31]="If I catch you being twee again I shall knot your arms behind your head"
quote[32]="Surely nothing on Earth could perform such a task!"
quote[33]="Alright.  That's it.  Give me your underwear."
quote[34]="I have to stall you until the rescue posse comes."
quote[35]="It would be like Jesus coming round and checking your mantelpiece for dust"
quote[36]="My horse likes fish"
quote[37]="I have lots of friends...Willie...Steve...Carpet Giant..."
quote[38]="About as cunning as a greased-up ferret in a trouser climbing competition"
quote[39]="You'll be getting your order by Friday, Monday at the latest...or Wednesday if the stuff hasn't been collected from the docks...I'll fax you in a couple of weeks...or not...I've been here on my own for three days, you know..."
quote[40]="But hey, she's slowly becomming a CH fan in her own 5 month old way.  Not that I'm brainwashing her at all. ;-)"
quote[41]="Anything happens to my daughter, I got a .45 and a shovel.  I doubt anyone would miss you."
quote[42]="Coooool...I broke his brain...."
quote[43]="Miss Hoover, I glued my head to my shoulder"
quote[44]="I resent your attempt at bipartisan creativity"
quote[45]="Do you reckon there's a town in, like, Missouri or whatever, that's called &quot;Sample&quot;, and when you drive through there there's a sign that says &quot;You're in 'Sample'&quot;?"
quote[46]="Bradley, you do something stupid like that again, I'll punch a hole in your back, rip out your spine and beat you over the head with it"
quote[47]="Just a little quirk of mine, I never share the bath with anything that has 6 legs...earwig...bumblebee...Dudley Moore trio..."
quote[48]="You can see the moonlight bouncing off her head!  You balded my girlfriend!"
quote[49]="No thanks.  I've just had an M&amp;M"
quote[50]="Tell us a story about señor Attack-Beast"
quote[51]="Besides, she's a psycho hose beast"
quote[52]="How does he know about my wench?!"
quote[53]="What a ridiculous fish.  I'm going home."
quote[54]="Get the cheese to Sick Bay.  Have the Doctor take a look at it."
quote[55]="You can tell he was miming because the bone wasn't plugged in"
quote[56]="Ralph:  Miss Hoover, my parents won't allow me scissors<BR>Miss Hoover:  The children are right to laugh at you Ralph - these things couldn't cut butter"
quote[57]="I'm sure she's quite stupid and in time gravity will get her"
quote[58]="The fumes of his own pelt...a phrase you won't hear on &quot;Question Time&quot;"
quote[59]="Presumably that's why you've signed the table"
quote[60]="This case is ripe.  I'd argue it myself if the Judge and I weren't fornicating."
quote[61]="Dear Miss Hoover, you have lyme disease.  We miss you.  Kevin's biting me.  Here is a drawing of a Spiro-Geek.  Love, Ralph"
quote[62]="I would respect your privacy if you weren't so secretive"
quote[63]="Hey, could you turn round a little?  I can't see your meat-whistle"
quote[64]="It's not the same.  We're women.  We have double standards to uphold"
quote[65]="Don't they look great?  A couple of fjord-dwellers and a Hobbit"
quote[66]="What did we do last night?  I woke up tasting pavement"
quote[67]="Are your parents related?  No?  Well, I think they are"
quote[68]="I'd love to have you stuffed.  I'd make a fortune."
quote[69]="Watch my head spin!  Kill!  Kill!  Kill!"
quote[70]="Looks like a man at home with a horn in his hand"
quote[71]="I don't believe it - we fell for the old 'Wooden Badger' trick!"
quote[72]="Oh my God - I'm so excited I might actually vomit!"
quote[73]="Don't look at me, I'm irrelevant"
quote[74]="Oh dear.  What this needs is a subtle blend of psychology and extreme violence"
quote[75]="And this must be your daughter, Lisa.  My, she's growing like a weed"
quote[76]="I've...er...got some some weiners in my pocket"
quote[77]="Hey, don't rock the boat, man.  Whatever it is, we're making out like bandits"
quote[78]="Ah yes, the Seven Deadly Sins...Sleepy, Happy, Dopey...and Murder"
quote[79]="It's also illegal to put squirrels down your pants for the purposes of gambling...hey guys, stop that!"
quote[80]="Look, we're travelling at the speed of light, which means that by the time we see something, we've passed through it.  Even with an IQ of 6000, it's brown trousers time"
quote[81]="Now, I want that mouse out of my apartment.  It chews on the couch, makes long distance 'phone calls and made a hole in my skirting board.  It denies it, of course, but I know it's him"
quote[82]="I like 'The Times'...it's not too rough on the buttocks"
quote[83]="I don't know whether to kiss her or get down on my knees and bark like a dog"
quote[84]="Okay, Dick, I suggest you go for the 'self-help' section - the women there are nutty but vulnerable"
quote[85]="Hey, I've been watching you.  For a larger girl you hardly sweat at all"
quote[86]="Carter, Cory is a psycho.  When she pulls the rabbit out of the hat, she boils it"
quote[87]="Hi!  I'm Troy McLure.  You might recognise me from such self-help videos as 'Smoke Yourself Thin' and 'Get Confidence, Stupid!'"
quote[88]="Damn your trousers - this is for England"
quote[89]="Lisa, Vampires are made-up creatures like Fairies, Elves and Eskimoes..."
quote[90]="I'm blonde!  My IQ just dropped 20 points!"
quote[91]="Satisfied?  You just scared off a cute guy with your freak pheromones"
quote[92]="It's like Pooh-sticks - but with cows!"
quote[93]="It's 'Photosynthesis'!  Damn your feeble brain!"
quote[94]="Yeah...we haven't had a call since you made fun of that ladies's dead cat"
quote[95]="They robbed you too?  They took my 'Shroud of Turin' beach towel!"
quote[96]="Imagine by mistake you get married to the Pope"
quote[97]="You wanted to be faceceous, but you did not succeed"
quote[98]="In days of yore when knights were bold and you could still get a round in for under a fiver, people used to spear each other for fun.  That's what they did"
quote[99]="I suggest you lie down, in a dark room, and hope that your brain will grow"
quote[100]="It seems being human takes more than 2 arms, 2 legs and the occasional major orifice"
quote[101]="Never underestimate the power of the Toad"
quote[102]="Bart: Lis', today I am a <B>God</B><BR>Lisa: Is that why you're sitting on an ice-cream sandwich?"
quote[103]="...by appealing to your common sense...if such a creature exists..."
quote[104]="Hey, he's not happy at all.  He lied to us through song.  I <B>hate</B> it when people do that"
quote[105]="Really?  A woman as beautiful as you is available?  You must have a <B>severe</B> personality disorder"
quote[106]="Celine Dion?  Somebody tell her to stop it.  The boat <B>sank</B>.  Let it go"
quote[107]="And until this crusty pantless weirdo brings it back, we're keeping his banana picker"
quote[108]="I could tell you - but then...I would have to kill you..."
quote[109]="...and the show I like to call 'my mother is an alien lapdancing hooker'"
quote[110]="I may even stick some fat stalefishes"
quote[111]="He's over there...trying to suck the venom out of his pine-cone bite"
quote[112]="...heh heh...check it out - those two dragonflies are doing it..."
quote[113]="You lie like a fly with a booger in its eye"
quote[114]="Bart, don't use the Touch of Death on your sister"
quote[115]="I don't care what happens behind closed doors but I don't want it rammed down my throat"
quote[116]="No Sir, I was using a spoonerism.  You were walking in a manner which suggests your scrotum is stuck to your leg"
quote[117]="Can't live here, smells like old pants"
quote[118]="Hey, you bushes, what are you queuing for?  Oh, you're a hedge.  As you were."
quote[119]="If this gets out, the next words you utter will be muffled by your own butt"
quote[120]="Anyway, being an Australian is BETTER!!  ;-)"
quote[121]="Okay.  But you must stay and file my fish"
quote[122]="I haven't had this much sex since I was a boy scout leader...I mean...I was dating a lot at the time..."
quote[123]="Funny, I always had you down as an uphill gardener"
quote[124]="No, I'm sorry, I can't let that one pass.  I've just seen you shoot him with my own eyes"
quote[125]="Bob, I have to tell you that you're a big fat big jelly-bellied big fat bastard, Bob"
quote[126]="It's a Brooklyn saying: 'The last thing you want to do is get in a moth-pit with a donkey'"
quote[127]="You're quite close...apart from the 'happy arse' bit"
quote[128]="The only line I could pick out was 'Penguin on my shoe'"
quote[129]="It sounded for a while there as if you were sucking off Rolf Harris...and I for one applaud you"
quote[130]="In his series 'Animal Hospital', Rolf Harris was recently given an animal so badly injured that he had to ask the vet, 'Can you tell what it is yet?'"
quote[131]="No...I set fire to his face..."
quote[132]="The road to Hell may be paved with good intentions, but remember the road to Stevenage is paved with a black pitch-based tarmacadam compound"
quote[133]="But Daddy, she ate batteries!"
quote[134]="No...all those bald children are arousing suspicion..."
quote[135]="Well in that case I expect it's a long time since you tasted a fudge triangle"
quote[136]="It's so cute when you laypeople try to understand geography"
quote[137]="Frankly, I don't like stories which promote moderation in drinking"
quote[138]="This is the one where he drinks too much root beer, burps and explodes all over the place, right?"
quote[139]="They don't call me the Bone Master for nothing!"
quote[140]="Vices?  Murder, arson, thievery, that sort of thing"
quote[141]="Thanks, bridesmaid.  Like the beard.  Gives me something to hang onto."
quote[142]="I just think you're trying to get your hands on my pole"
quote[143]="Kiss your pole goodbye"
quote[144]="Sorry, son.  Didn't have my horn out."
quote[145]="I will take your bones, still alive and screaming, and I will make them into a chair.  I shall call it my screaming chair.  Every morning I will sit in the chair and listen to your screams.  Any questions?"
quote[146]="What's with the big, sharp, deadly-looking pin?"
quote[147]="No chance, you'll just rip out my lungs when I get close"
quote[148]="Leg or no leg, I trust you about as far as I can throw Manhattan"
quote[149]="It's a large purple wildebeest.  Obviously."
quote[150]="You're not going to hunt me for sport, are you?"
function rndnumber(){
var randscript = -1
while (randscript < 0 || randscript > howMany || isNaN(randscript)){
randscript = parseInt(Math.random()*(howMany+1))
}
return randscript
}
quo = rndnumber()
quox = quote[quo]
document.write('<H2>Quote of the week</H2><I>&quot;');
document.write(quox)
document.write('&quot;</I><BR><BR>')
// End -->