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Hispanics, meanwhile, have arguably had more impact on the evolution of the Mullet than any other single group other than the Northern Europeans towheads who bequeathed this bane of manes upon us in the first place. The Mullet is virtually indigenous to Native, Central and South Americans; the great Inea, Aztec and Mayan tribes most likely perfected the Mullet before their civilizations were- not coincidentally- overthrown. More recently, New York City Puerto Ricans and their cholo bros nationwide have directly contributed to the rise of the modern Mullet through their insistence on growing a Daniel Boone raccoon tails off the back of their heads while cutting the rest of the hair a consistent length (a particularly heinous fashion crime which they encourage even toddlers to commit).
Our Asian brethren are by no means immune to Mulletitis, either. Throughout greater Los Angeles and most other major metropolitan areas, Japanese wannabes, Vietnamese fashion victims, Filipino punks, Korean teens and the Chinese mob can all be seen strutting about with their preposterous so-called "Parrot" cuts, distinguished by an excessively spiked Rod Stewart top coupled with a black-velvet-drape effect in the back.
And finally, a message for our so-called "hair deprived" friends out there: take pride in the fact that balding guys like Karl Lagerfeld have for years contributed directly to the Mulletization of the masses by shamelessly growing and ponytailing what little they had, regardless of the ramifications this might have on other's retinas. To be sure, some of our most gruesome and toothsome cultural icons are closet hate pates with might-as-well-be-Mullet wigs (Dick Clark, Ted Danson, Captain Kirk), or pattern cases who use the remains of their Mullet as a host for their "new w(e)ave" hair (Bono), or unabashedly bald beings who let their sides grow to alarming length (Eno). Then there are those pathetic any-day-now terminal cases like Michael Bolton, who's thinning in front almost as fast as he's thickening out back. So don't fret! You too can enjoy the thrill of the Mullet, without the pain and ignominy of Rogaine, plugs, transplants, extensions or Sy Sperling and Mike D reminding you that they're also a member.
THE SOCIAL DEMOCRACY OF THE MULLET
Thus the Mullet does not discriminate, though it is rare to see one worn by a senior citizen of any stripe. (Note, however, that Gray Mullets, like the Charley Pride "Silver Fox"-style shag that Entertainment Weekly editor emeritus Greg Sandow sports, are relatively prevalent due to the large number of '60s hippies and '70s swingers still stubbornly running around). So don't think that you need to have Sly Stallone's stylized headband-Rambo pageboy or the classic porno star/pro wrestler rug in order to fully enjoy the benefits of the bi-level. Finding the right Mullet " to match or adapt to any given mug requires only a certain amount of hair and a barber who's willing and able. Which brings up the final and most important point about the Mullet: its universality. For unlike the Warren Beatty Shampoo era fagshag, which forced men to frequent unisex hair stylists in a vain Kato Kaelin-type attempt to emulate Farah Fawcett's feathered flipbacks, the Mullet requires but a simple operation that can be obtained virtually anywhere in America (presumptuous college towns and snotty bohemian enclaves aside). Grand Royal Beauty and Health Editor Michelle Diamond goes so far as to assert that in the same way the Rolling Stones created a new "rock" by misinterpreting the blues, so the Mullet may have been born when a midwestern youth brought his shopping mall barber a picture of Rod Stewart and told him to get to work. In an attempt to falsify this theory, we sent Grand Royal Media Assistant Bob Mack to a Hollywood Supercuts and had him say, "make me look like Billy Ray Cyrus." (See "You Too Can Be a Mullethead" for the disconcerting result.)
THE ORIGIN OF THE MODERN MULLET
Technically, the Mullet has always been with us, as you can see from Dr. Fahy's timeline, but the origins of the modern Mullet are traceable to that point in time where the demise of the hippie era coincided with the first rumblings of the glam rock/punk revolution. As Richard Corson points out in Fashions in Hair: The First Five Thousand Years, "the revolution in men's hair styles had begun in the 1960s with a rebellion against short hair. Then, in the early '70s, some of the avant garde rebelled against long hair and cut their hair short." As usual, the avant-garde caught the rest of us off guard, and as a result, all the sheep who had grudgingly bought into the hippie world view and spent a couple years growing their hair long were all of a sudden uncool. Entertainers and athletes (always the first to spot trends) contributed to the problem by either artificially curling their excess tresses into "perms," or leaving their hair long in back but cutting it elsewhere, as did former Dallas Cowboy Golden Richards, who was more famous for letting his long yellow locks flow out the back of his helmet than he was for catching passes.
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