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You can imagine the confusion among laymen and -women. "Should I cut my hair short again? Should I keep it long? Maybe I'll get a perm like Barbra Streisand and Mac Davis? Hmm, maybe I'll just cut a little off the front and take some off the sides...." This dilemma only intensified when punk rock finally formalized what glam had only hinted at, i.e., a complete rejection of the longhair esthetic (though this too was complicated further still by punks like the Ramones who didn't exactly have their haircuts correct). Quite simply the compromise that arose out of this conflict was the Mullet, pretty much as we know it today. Take, for example, the case of Led Zeppelin. In 1976, after Presence was released, they were still as unrepentant in their unkemptness as they'd always been. By 1979, however, with the release of In Through The Out Door, the full effect of the punk revolution had manifested itself in the band's new wave look. While none of the members were exactly rocking Mullets, even drummer John Bonham had finally agreed to lose the headband, cut his bangs and exchange the ponytail for barely shoulder-length strands. Not surprisingly, he died soon after. Though it would be another five years before second-generation Zeppelins like Rush began transmitting a distant early warning to their easily impressionable fans, the history of hair and the very nature of the male psyche had been drastically altered forever. Beginning with Rush's five-night stand at Radio City Music Hall in September 1983 (where Geddy Lee debuted his Mullet), it was only a hop, skip and a jump to such later '80s phenomena as Red-Rocks era Bono, New Jersey nerf metal, L.A. sham glam, Keifer Sutherland in the Lost Boys, Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon, Lou Reed, Richard Marx, The Oakland A's and, as though the '90s never started, the Philadelphia Phillies.
THE ONCE AND FUTURE MULLET
Whither the Mullet? Alas, if only it would wither away and die. But of that there is little hope. To be sure, Richard Marx and several of the Philadelphia Phillies have forsaken their Mullets for more manageable, less mangy hair, as has heavy metal mascot Rikki Rachtman, Faith No More bassist Billy Gould and tennis brat Andre Agassi, among others (see our E Z-Read Before-And-After Comparo Chart below). It was also encouraging to see that Italian soccer player with the absurd, braided Pepa Mullet botch his penalty kick and thereby give the World Cup to Brazil. Then again, lifelong Mullet Heads like construction-worker-turned-Liz Taylor beard Larry Fortensky have jockeyed their way into the very "Corridors of Power." And to paraphrase P.T. Barnum, there's a Mullet born every minute. The most recent celebrity to succumb is probably James Hettield of Metallica, who must have become tired of being told that he looked like The Cowardly Lion because he's gone and borrowed the burly Paramilitary Mullet long developed by bandmate Jason Newsted (who, in turn, has cut his hair normally). So while entire Mullet genres like Motley Crue-esque femme-metal have died off, whole new subcultures have mushroomed in their place -like cyberpunk, which unfortunately has very little to do with punk, at least as far as hair goes. In particular, one of the foremost sci-fi authors of our day, Bruce Sterling, has what eminent futurologist Dr. Erik Davis admits is "an egregious Mullet."
Which means it's basically up to You - the next, not the "X" generation. Only You can ensure that this menace is eradicated so that in the future what is hair today will be gone tomorrow.
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